I wish I could ....

I wish I could sing, till my throat hurts,

About this world and its wonders,

Competing with a cukoo till it finally gave up..

But I’m no singer.


I wish I could dance like no one was watching,

None but me and the one, who made me,

As one with the rhythms of this universe, till my legs grew tired..

But I’m no dancer.


I wish I could draw you, with all your beauty,

Coming to life with each one of my strokes,

And your eyes begging me to complete you..

But I’m no painter.


I wish I could write, a soulful poem,

One about life and philosophies

Or maybe about love and it’s endless troubles..

But I’m no poet.


But is it fair of you father?

To put so much in my head and not let me let it out?

How shall I tell you my loved one?

Shall I sing or dance or paint or write?

None, he said. For he knows all he needed to know

??

The time you feel most lonely is not when there is none around you, it is when you have a lot of people around you, but somehow you cannot communicate with them. I love my friends but I do not know why, I am not able to explain how I feel to them. I can't reach my mother on the phone and there is none else whom I can think of, to talk to. I have never felt this dangerous mixture of pain and loneliness combined together.. I never got to tell him good-bye, my uncle.. He is in the ICU and is in pain and I am dying of not knowing what is going on.. Is there anything terribly wrong? Or are people merely panicking?
Was I able to live up to his expectations of a niece? He is a key reason I am able to do my MA.. will I let him down when the results come? Or if I am able to make him proud, will he know about it?? What about my sisters? my dear darling sisters? He is their father... How can they ever get over the loss..?? If they marry and go away, what will my aunt do? How can she stay alone? How can she relocate from the home she spent three- quarters of her life-time with her husband? Will my uncle know how much I love him?
My family is not very good with sweet words, or even gestures.. but We do love you.. with our whole hearts.. Please do not leave us.. fight on.. fight for our lives that can never be the same without you around......

Some rambling thoughts

I am the kind of person who believes that there is one huge ball of positive energy (or cosmos) that is constantly trying to to nullify the negatives that we humans project. It does not know religion, region, colour, creed or caste. It slits itself to make small beings filled with positive energy, which gradually gets corrupted due to the materialistic love for what it sees in the mortal world. It is stated in the Gita, that God, or the Cosmos has sent us to this world so that we can realise that all that we see in the world is mere Maya- which does not have a clear-cut translation, but lets say "god's playhouse" for the time-being- and that we can cut loose all the attachments to this materialistic world and join the Universal Soul without any doubt and a feeling of lose.

Now, I know not many read my blog, but those who do might think why I am trying to be an intellectual. To those I would like to say, I did not come up with these thoughts. These ideas were nurtured in me by my late Grand-parents, my Father ( for the most part) and the writings of Mahaguru Shankaracharya. But the reason I felt the need to write all this today, is that I read a few phrases of a Scottish Episcopalian and I had the dire need to write this down somewhere at least one person other than me would read. And for that I needed an introduction, and thus my crap. If you actually did, thanks for bearing with me..



Now to the quote:



"I see the heart of the Christian faith as lying in the Trinity, with the father suffering though the Son and vivifying the living world through the spirit.

I see the the heart of Budhism as diagnosing our troubles in the world as arising though greed, hatred and delusion.

I see the heart of Hinduism as seeing the Cosmos as God's body.

I see the heart of liberalism as knowing that we may be mistaken and so being to tolerant.

I see the heart of Islam as learning to curb our senses through rigorous fasting and learning to share our wealth with the less fortunate(my addition. )

I see the heart of life as creative love."

After A Long Time!

I know I have not written for a long time. In my defense, I did not find anything that inspired me so much as to write about it. OK, also because I was really lazy. But recently I got to thinking, if I am planning to be a journalist, I might as well get over the "Starting trouble!". But what will I write about? I did not know where to start. Then again, I believe in the great concept that has now been converted into cheesy dialogues for Hindi films.."when you actually seek an answer ( or anything for that matter), you will most certainly find it"; if you want it that bad. So, while I was attending a Kathakali workshop in Irinjalakkuda, I met an experienced journalist+author, who also used to publish his own magazine, but had to quit due to lack of profit; the life-story of most journalists. I got an opportunity of talking quite a lot with him and imbibing the useful tips that he had to offer.

I cannot quote everything that he said, but the content matter was, that I had to choose my forte. Subject is everywhere- just look around. I remember reading what Wordsworth once said "The meanest flower can make me cry!". That's what I had been missing. Its not that I did not have a choice. It was just that my choice was not to choose!

Now, I know what you are thinking- everyone knows this. I've been hearing stuff like this from as long as I can remember. And that is the problem. Just to say you believe in something is not the same as experiencing it. I can say that confidently, because I am now. And that is the only reason why you are seeing this post in my blog- list. It may or may not be liked. Hell, it may not even be read. But I don't care. Atleast I tried, and as of now, it more than enough for me; until now, I was was not in a position to even do as muchas to try, because I thought it would not turn out right! But now I know, it has to turn out right. Not this post may be, but eventually, I'm sure to write a piece that will make someone blurt out a "WOW"!

Expect a post some time soon....;)

Loka Samastha Sukhino Bhavanthu!!

तीनागे

ABOUT SOME OF THE COOL SHOWS THAT I LIKE

Hey,

Ok.. I was just in the mood to write.. but have no topic up my sleeve. So, I thought Il just write about some of shows I follow and like...here goes..

There is this new cool modern- age, anti- drama show that is produced by the Yrf in Sony Entertainment.. Mahi-Way !!




Mahi-Way is about the over-weight youngster and the small and huge problems she has to face in her day-to-day life.... Well, there are some exagerrated aspects to it, I feel. Because, I myself am an over-weight person and has not felt that except for a few bitches and dawgs.. not many have taunted me, about my being fat!! Ofcourse, friends and family do, but that is to be taken just as a way of expressing their love and concern. However, when you are fat, "guys" like you and want you as a best friend and nothing more.. that part of the show is true. The girl suffers from most of the whims and nagtive thoughts I suffer from. But I don't have a gay best- friend whom I can turn to for anything and everything... @least none that I know of.!!??!!Also, though my mother tries to force me into dieting.. she never behaves like that Gabbar of a mother in the show.



I also love to watch shows like.. Sonny With A Chance, Hannah Montana, Suite life, Wizards Of Waverly Place, etc... Yah Yah I know what you are thinking.. I do miss my teenage.. I just wish to re-do many things I did in a better way.. you know.. and these shows help me rebuild and relive the past of my fantasy.. the one that I did not have... I just wish, I could have been more out-going and gotten more involved with the extra- curricular activities, etc....



I like many of the sitcoms of Star World.. I was a fan of F.R.I.E.N.D.S..My Wife And Kids.. According To Jim.. and.. not to forget..the thriller.. BONES..But there is this one show that I do not understand at all... Baywatch ... what is that about?? I mean, men and women with a perfect body just running around????WT*&%&^%*&!



Most of the time, I also love to watch reality shows, esp.. Rodies, Splitsvilla, So You Think You Can Dance??.. Sa Ri Ga Ma Pa.. etc...SYTYCD is a great show everyone who dances has so much of talent...so does the singers of Sa Ri... Rodies and Splittsvilla are gr8 topics for a chat the next day, with friends..!



Well.. I guess that's all there is ...!!! But.. I gtg.. I've got an exam to write today evening.. gotta get ready for that...!! fingers crossed~! Wish me luck..........

Women Of India

We are the daughters
Who trod the right path
To keep our family-name
Spec- free.
We Walk with bent heads.
Carefully silent,
Succesfully invisible
Ignoring the needs of our heart
To marry a man
Older than our old man.

We are the wives
Of the money- makers
Who are no more intelligent than us.
But will not at any cost
Let us work or bring home the bread.
For, we must endure the burden
Of dependance, for ever, all time.
All they want from us
Is our body
They can't share a sweet moment
To exchange thoughts or the like.
And one day,
They gift us with a shadow of theirs,
To share our sorrows with.

We are the mothers
Of selfish brats.
They love us, we think.
But when we have noothing left to give them,
They too have nothing to spare
except indifference.
We give all we did not have
They give us nothing but fearful nights,
And chaotic day.

We are the women
The epitomes of patience.
We are the tigers of power and strength
We are the lambs of affection and ionnocence.
We are the holy grails of life.
We suffer to the zenith
Till we break loose.
We are the creators and the protectors
Till we are forced to be the destroyers.
We are the Kalis, the Durgas, the Shakthis!!!